Regrouping
Every now and again I like to clear the decks, burn some bridges, raze stuff to the ground. I've done it many times before and I'm sure I'll do it again.
I've pondered whether it's a good thing. Often, after a period of time has elapsed, I find myself back where I started. Except, I've moved on in one way or another. Something has changed. My life has evolved. Not just in a circle but in an upward spiral. We never stay still. Even when it seems like we do.
Clearing the decks, decluttering or letting go has usually been triggered, in the past, by an external event - love, life or loss. Death or endings. This time it's slightly different.
I turned 60. That in itself is not a factor. I don't do birthdays. I try to fly under the radar. This year was the perfect birthday. Not a single 60 card. No visitors. Several people forgot it was my birthday. A quiet afternoon tea with Chris.
This particular shift has been underway for a while. It's almost as if some biological process has been at play. The body knows and the mind catches up. Perhaps it's that clock ticking away - the sand in your hour glass is running down. There's only so much left. How do you want to live? What do you want to do with this precious life? What's important?
I've started decluttering again. A lot of possessions have no importance. I'm not sentimental. What's the point of keeping stuff that's relegated to a box and never seen? If I don't look at it, I may as well burn it, give it away, throw it away. A driver, too, is that no-one will want my stuff. I'm the last in our family. Photos mean nothing to anyone else. Family history is of no interest. I decided some time ago to make my own decisions about disposals, and not leave it to another at a future date.
There's an urgency to do things differently. To seek out joy, to live purposefully, just to live. To suffer fewer fools. To choose rather than settle. To see life as an adventure rather than an endurance race.